Overthinking my overthinking
Crying is not an option
It's the only choice
(You can't do much about your suffering so might as well let it happen naturally)
I tremendously aspire to find my calling and become someone I can be proud of.
There are some things I can already tell they'll probably be a part of my career and lifestyle, but I believe I have no way to know for sure what the future has in store for me.
I don't believe in destiny or fortune & misfortune, so the former idiom is, just that, an idiom. In fact I agree with working to achieve something. The future is something that encapsulates both your actions and the actions of the ones surrounding you.
I want to look back and think of myself as hardworking, courageous and someone who uses their chances and wits to get what they want. I want my hopes and dreams to take shape, make me forget about my past and forever nourish my reason to exist.
Presumably I'll finally find some sort of happiness and I'll know how to maintain it somehow. I understand the things that make me happy and that indicates me I should use them to my advantage. It's hard to find the motivation to do the things something you like.
Every day is overwhelming to the depressed and lonely. It's even tougher if you have more issues affecting your living conditions at the same time.
I pity people who have it harder than me, because I crack easily at my own sorrow, the criticism I get and my anxiety filled interactions and to-do's.
Many times you can't change the trajectory of your predetermined or at random burdens that life throws in your face. They have the ability to perpetually eat at what's left of your well-being and you're too fragile to do anything about it.
Overthinking is an addiction, your brain is addicted to the small details that have an unknown outcome. Unlike some other addicts, you don't know how to make it stop.
e.g. You drink yourself to sleep? It makes you physically sick and it interferes with your relationships and personal matters? Stop drinking. That's a clear indicator to quit and a sole important task to be put in place.
I'm not saying quitting is a piece of cake, it's indeed one of the most challenging things for a human to do. The brain is a machine, but we have almost no power over what it has learnt to be a normal behavioral pattern.
If we adopt a destructive habit, that vice will take over and make the decisions for us without our permission. It's not our fault, the environment takes a huge role in the shaping of our reality.
But mental disorders that don't involve substances are harder to handle by professionals and the sufferer, mainly. In which case, there is no magic pill or solution to interrupt the problem that will 100% revert your symptoms to stability.
That is if you were ever mentally stable.
There's one thing to partake in (willfully or unwillfully) buying your killing weapons, and then there's the untouchable aspect of human inherited or developed disorders.
Life in itself is an ambiguous element for the whole world, and when you add to that the alienating and unsettling , it all becomes torment to our feeble minds.
Some might say that we're responsible of our illnesses, but that's virtually impossible when there's no way in hell to personally and accurately understand what's bothering you and try to solve it by yourself afterwards.
In actuality, there's very little of our own direct involvement in our punishing ritualistic worries expressed into visible and unhealthy habits.
We need external support, but not everybody has it.
To find it is to reach out and open up about your feelings.
To receive it is for people to care and respond accordingly.
For that support to be useful we're meant to endure the pain until it stops being so bad.
Scientists can study the brain as much as they want, thoughts are lethal and have no defensive measures. Frequently, the mere mortal has no starting point to try to salvage their remaining nervous system health.
There certainly are some well-known methods, but what I meant to say is that they don't understand what's been happening/is happening to them inside their inner network. You can work as hard as you can to find some joy in life, but things can get too ugly to de-uglify.
Certain repetitive actions trick your brain to calculate emotions as being comforting. Oddly enough and somewhat related, overthinking does the job of keeping you alert in case something bad will happen. I'm not praising it, I'm only recognizing the minute positive effects it can have.
I can't adapt really well to new situations. I know it doesn't look like it on the outside for I try my best to not show my weaknesses. I.e. if I make it believable.
I know acknowledging your imperfections is a strength, but I still can't handle displaying them to people. When I do manifest them, I make them come off as funny and endearing.
That way, I'm in control and I know what reactions I can get.
whoop, there it is
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what exactly?
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a fire being ignited inside my head
(figuratively, obvy)
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why?
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silly brain is being silly
