It's a new day (?)

De la ~

No longer hopeless


     I'm going to sleep very late (early in the morning, actually), but I don't regret it because I feel like I've accomplished something today.

     Not many times I've stood there all by myself and laid my thoughts on (digital) paper. It had really helped me reflect on my inner turmoil and start practicing my writing. It's been a long time since I've done a written personal essay without a proposed subject or some type of journal (in fact I can't even think of such a thing that has happened in the last 5 years besides school related stuff). 

     Even if I'm done with school, my learning journey hasn't ceased. I'm always working on bettering myself physically, mentally, socially and emotionally. I don't like the intrusive feeling that I'm stupid because I can't understand a subject at first glance. I hate I'm this way and that my stressful life has lead me to being weak in certain points. I know I'm not a lost cause, I just have to read the things I'm interested in and study more about them. 

     I haven't been patient with myself, and it shows. Some times I feel confused, unfocused, disoriented, unorganized, and other times I'm anxious for no reason, neurotic, I can't stand still, I can't sleep and I can't stop thinking about what's going to happen. I have many compulsions and I don't have the urge to try to make them stop just yet (that because it's mostly impossible). I know they will dissipate gradually, as time goes by. 

     Even if I write all of this, funnily enough, I'm doing a lot better mentally. I feel more capable to do something productive and more determined to fulfill what's particularly necessary in my day to day life. I know I'm doing my best, that being everything in my power to make my dreams come true. It feels like the sun is shining brighter these days and I'm no longer feeling empty inside.
     I hate this expression but it's fitting with the context. 
     Also, hate is a strong word, I don't really mean it, but it rolls off the tongue. 

     Hopefully I'm doing enough progress on my wellbeing and adult business stuff to drastically change my life for the better.
     At last, I'm hopeful for the future.

🎷🦃

here's a funny pic to lighten the mood
😳
👉🏻👈🏻